I can remember the day we brought Jax home from the hospital and I thinking “omg what have we gotten ourselves into”.
For the first few weeks, I felt as if I could never handle two kids all while trying to get ready for the day, cooking, breastfeeding, pumping, changing diapers, laundry, cleaning, working...you get the picture. How will I ever leave the house?— I give much credit to my amazing Mom and Sister for all of their help through this major transition, because without them, I doubt I would have made it out in one piece.
Mentally, I was exhausted, physically I was exhausted and boy was that a shitty mix — My patience was tested and I found myself, well — not myself.
Motherhood has a funny way of making us feel lonely at times— while the rest of the world sleeps, we are up in the middle of the night for feedings — while our friends are out enjoying themselves, we’re at home with a baby clinging to your boob — sometimes we do not even recognize ourselves because we are so sleep deprived and our body just doesn’t feel like it use to.
Some days I felt as if my mind was working against me. I was constantly using all of the energy I had to tell myself — I can and I will.
Rest assured, I am here to tell you that — you are not alone. We have all been there.
Although this is true, motherhood has been the most rewarding, amazing, and fulfilling job in the world — and moms I know you can attest to that! All of the sleepless nights, tantrums, spit up and blow outs, are greatly outweighed by the amount of smiles, milestones and love my kids have given me.
We began to find our “groove” about a month after bringing Jax home. Marlie finally found her place in her new role as “big sister”, I found my groove as a new mom of two and Jax found his groove as the little Brother.
I am here to tell you, it will get better because — You can and you will!
Whether it’s a new baby, a new goal you are trying to achieve or a new job you are taking on — give yourself time to adjust and stop being so hard on yourself. You have it within you and you need to believe that.
Don’t get me wrong, believing in yourself doesn't magically solve your problems, but it solves the biggest problem of all — getting started in the first place.
I will never forget that overwhelming feeling after bringing Jax home — but looking back, I wish I had given myself time to adjust and enjoy the “chaotic” moments. I know one day I am going to wish for them to be little again and need me the way they need me now.
For now, breathe, give yourself a break and allow the change to settle. I promise it gets easier and you will find your groove soon because — YOU can and YOU will!